I'm a very lucky person. That is not quite true. They say fortune favors the bold and I have been bold. I view luck as not trying and something falls in your lap. The things I am currently enjoying are because I made the effort and applied. My kid once told me that I immediately jump to the negative. Shocking I know since I come across as a positive individual. I do try and find the bright side, but the risk-averse part of me always looks for hidden danger. I have a recurring nightmare about being in a parking garage with a steep slope and the car falling backward. Instead of focusing on what an amazing opportunity I have been given today, I am dreading parking. Here I am crying woe is me like a spoiled little brat who has to have tap water instead of bottled water. As my mom would say, "Oh puh-lease!"
I struggle with understanding my intuition. When is that sinking feeling in my gut due to real danger and when is it anxiety? I saw something shiny today and considered buying it but I got this wishy-washy feeling about it. I remembered that when I dither about things, it's my body telling me that I do not want it. I shared what had happened with a friend and she ended up buying the shiny object because she was looking for one. The thoughts think themselves, but I have the responsibility of interrogating the stories I tell myself. The first step is to admit that I have recently had a victim mentality. Today a friend told me that a reading did not answer the question she asked, but it did answer the question unasked. I have to trust in my capabilities.
I am going to take a few deep breaths and give myself plenty of time to drive and get to my parking spot. "You got this!" I am telling myself. What we believe is what we manifest. I was out with my kid last week and we told ourselves that we were going to have an amazing time. Everywhere we went to eat, tiny open table miracles followed us despite the crowded restaurants. I am going to believe in driving and parking miracles today. I am not a victim. I am a powerful, magical, creature in total control of myself.
Change is a process without an end. Once I make a change, there will be other external alterations that will force me to adapt again. I can revert to my old whiny little woe-is-me self or own my power and eat change for breakfast. It is too exhausting to be in a constant state of fight or flight. Especially when I am my own worst enemy. The universe is not conspiring to bring me down. There is no lonely cloud of doom following me around wherever I go. I am getting better and noticing when I am a Debbie Downer. This is not to see that everything is sunshine and lollipops but to admit that there is some sunshine and a lollipop or two. In the words of Johnny Mathis - "Life is just a bowl of cherries. So live and laugh at it all." Screw the cherry pits. Namaste
