I've had a mild case of Covid-19 and have been in quarantine for the past two weeks. Last week I talked about setting boundaries and this enforced isolation has been helpful. If I am honest with myself though, it has been an excuse and a scapegoat instead of saying "no" to the things I do not want to do. I am usually a very outgoing person, but there are times that I need to hide away in my gal cave. It is nothing personal. Sometimes I do not have the energy to do things I 'should' do. Even in my solitude, the bs follows. I tell it what it can do in my head, but never say it out loud. That has to change.
The challenge is that I am people pleaser. I can't even call myself a recovering people-pleaser because I still follow the same pattern. I was on a walk the other day and it was hot and I immediately found myself complaining in my head about how hot it was. Was it going to change it? No. I decided that instead of stressing myself out, I would accept the heat and find things to like about it. The sun felt good on my skin and there was a nice breeze. Instead of beating myself up, I need to sit with who I am and figure out how to make this work in my favor while reforming myself.
When you want to cuss everyone and everything out, you forget all the good things in your life. When I notice the good, things feel hopeful. When I focus on the bad, everything seems dreadful. It feeds fear and that can eclipse your life and stall growth. I will continue to embrace the suck and to learn to sit with discomfort and dis-ease. The sun shines on everyone and does not care about what is happening in their lives. Instead of taking the rain as a personal affront out to destroy my day, I can appreciate the opportunity to curl up with a good book and hot cocoa or an opportunity to jump in the puddles in my rain boots.
I am pruning some people from my life. They are not bad people, we are just at a different level energetically and if I am honest, I allow them to bring me down. I would rather use my limited and finite resources to work on being the best me I can be and sharing my gifts to help others get to the heart of the matter and be their best. It takes two to tango and I always reflect on what role I played in a situation. I am no angel and definitely poke the bear. I am not a savior and I need to stop playing at it. Who will save your soul indeed? That's up to you to do the work. People can hold your hand along the way and encourage you, but you are the boss of you. I am responsible for dealing with my baggage. I am not giving away my power to anyone. Right? Namaste
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