I have been fiddle dee deeing my way for quite some time now but it has been most potent this past year. I have been trying to get my act together, but it has been in fits and spurts. I have far to go on my journey, but it does appear to me that my first step on this path is off a cliff. I am at a stage in my life where there is no clear route and it is up to me to forge a way forward. The edge of the cliff is peaceful and the view is serene, but the wild things are coming and will devour me if I do not take a leap forward. I should take advantage of the interrupted view of possibilities. I think I am carrying too many things with me for this journey. What will it take to divest myself of these thoughts and stories that no longer serve me? If I take the leap will I fly, or dive, or crash? Is that better or worse than what is behind me and rapidly catching up?
"When you argue with reality, you always lose – but only 100% of the time” - Byron Katie
There is a technique called visualization. You envision the reality you want in as much detail as possible. I think I missed the memo that at some point you have to take steps to do what you envision. I love going to the beach and in order to get there, I need to pack a beach towel, sunscreen, and water at a minimum. Then drive to the beach in order to enjoy it. Instead, I throw on a beach meditation and pretend it is just as good as the real thing. That is a lie. I am lying to myself. The good news is that I have accepted that I am lying to myself. I do a podcast that is built on modern fairy tales but seem to have lost sight that fairy tales are prescriptive. The only happily ever afters are when I stop fight reality. There is no prince coming on a white horse. I need to get in saddle and figure out how to ride.
I am a hypocrite. I keep advocating for 'feeling the feels' but have not figured out how to do it myself. My heart is locked away in a tower and I have hidden the key deep inside my head. I am learning to be more accountable. I should rent out my twelve-year old. He is an amazing Jiminy Crickett. I have taken a step off the cliff, but I am still playing it safe. I am hanging off the edge on by my fingertips, not quite ready to let go. I have started with five minute tasks and that is helping me to on this journey. I did a parent training seminar last week and it discussed working from our executive functioning. We have to pause and get our emotions in balance before we act lest we harm our kids or others with our actions. I know that I am the boss of me and I can get this done. I am responsible for seeing this through. Having that vision with a healthy dose of the consequences has lit a fire. My twelve year old accountability buddy is also helpful. It is up to me to hold myself accountable, but there is no shame is getting help. If you are reading my blog, please feel free to message me and ask me "Did you do at least five minutes today?"
Future Cain shared that what we resist will persist. Rest does not always need to be passive. I have used the real need to rest as an excuse to not take actions that will provide the ability to rest. I have been more like Sleeping Beauty allowing the thorns to grow up around me. Gardens need to be tended or the weeds will come and the plants will wither. There is a short window to plant seeds to ensure that you enjoy the harvest. The longer that I wait, the less seeds and the more weeds. This is where mindset comes in. Because I know that I can do this, I am empowered to do it. I am going to be intentional about my next step. If I keep the focus on the next step instead of the destination, I can move forward. I already took a step and I know that going backwards is not an option. What lies ahead? I have no clue. It could be quicksand or solid ground. When you forge a new path, you forge new strategies. Make clothes out of the curtains because tomorrow is not promised. Namaste
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